Year of the Caterpillar
by hiriki
Summary: AU. Love kills people. Love brings pain. For doing so, it must be treated as a disease by society itself - a disease that Haruka keeps away from his doorstep, cocooned in the heart of a colorless city. That's when some weird guy with even weirder teeth decides to mess things up.
1. Chapter 1

The shop doorbell rings, followed by the expected entrance of Haruka's very first – and most sharp – costumer of the day.

He doesn't have – and doesn't _want_, really – to raise his eyes to know that a girl with a long ponytail just entered his coffee shop and it's making her way to one of the tables, bowing her head for him as quickly as her notions of good manners allow her to, a gesture that Haruka doesn't return. She doesn't seem to expect him to, and settles down on a table without making an order.

That doesn't bother Haruka any more than it would if a fly had entered his shop instead; some people like to come in just to sit by and read, and he was pretty aware his coffee wasn't that great anyway. If that was a mackerel shop, well, things would be different – but for some reason, the idea sounded weird to everyone, even though Haruka _knew_ that was the one thing that city was missing.

It's the same thing every day. That one girl would enter his shop at 8:00 A.M sharp, wearing her usual baggy, gray jogging clothes, her hair color standing out a little bit too much, at least for the Protocol rules; people weren't allowed to dress with vibrant colors, so why could they have vibrant, raspberry-colored hair? When Haruka first complained about this to Makoto, he just laughed and said the Protocol couldn't force people to change their natural hair color – despite already forcing people to wear non-revealing, boring-colored clothes at all occasions –, but Haruka was pretty sure it was impossible to be born with that weird hair color. Either way, it wasn't his problem, as long as police officers didn't appear at his coffee shop trying to arrest a girl for having an unusual hair color; it happened before with people wearing bright-colored clothes, you never know.

She was now analyzing one of his napkin holders – the one placed on her table, to be precise -, and picking a few random napkins, something he'd seen her doing so many times he couldn't even force himself to feel a little curious. She seemed to notice his eyes wandering off in her direction and quickly glanced at him, to which Haruka responded by returning his gaze to his empty coffee machine. Staring at a random person – especially one of the opposite gender – could get people in jail under the accusation of flirting (or even thinking of flirting, which was just as terrible as the act of flirting itself, according to the Protocol), and the last thing Haruka needed was to be thrown in jail for something he didn't do. He had witnessed Makoto in the verge of being arrested just for acting too gentle with random strangers too many times, so he knew a few things about how to behave himself around others (and how not to, with Makoto being the greatest example). And, differently for Makoto, he couldn't care less about random strangers.

Distracted by his memories of all those times Makoto got in trouble with police officers and Nagisa offered his help to come up with prison break plans ("Don't worry, Mako-chan! I know a few things about picking locks and all that stuff!"), Haruka almost didn't notice when the girl pulled her cellphone out – as she'd_ always_ do -, studying the screen with a serious, focused expression as she scribbled something in one of the napkins. Ignoring her as he'd always do, he decided to occupy himself grinding coffee beans, finding a hazy comfort to his mind in the sound of beans turning into grounds. His eyes wandered through the gray walls, occasionally observing the people in the street through the glass doors – a mass of gray, neutral people, dressed in a way that made them all look the same, little parts of a giant dead worm making its way through an equally gray city.

That was happiness, the Protocol said. That could never hurt or feel unpleasant, and Haruka agreed. The world was free of every single sickness, including the deadliest one, the one who crawled upon people's skin without their consent or knowledge and fooled their senses, their thoughts, their very _essence_ – a sickness that made people irrationally stupid and reckless, masked behind kind, nervous words and a funny sensation in the belly.

_It's a feeling_, some people would say in the past. _It's a feeling, and it's human, and It's the source of all good._

Ever since the_ feeling_ was banished, though, the world had never been more peaceful.

Quickly as she came, the girl grabbed her things and made her way out of the coffee shop, soon becoming just one more part of the gray mass of people that sprawled through the streets.

His napkin holder looked like it had just been violently attacked by a hundred angry manatees.

Haruka sighed. It was still early in the morning, but he decided to call Makoto before he forgot about it. Who cares about Makoto's sleeping schedule? No one.

A lazy, drowsy voice made a human-like sound on the other side of the line. It could've been Makoto, or it could've been a dying whale. Haruka decided to believe it was just Makoto.

"Hey. Are you coming in the afternoon?"

* * *

"-And you remember that tall girl from our Physics class? The one with the funny accent."

"Mhmm. What about her?"

Nagisa grinned, as if he could feel Makoto's interest in what he was about to say, even though his interlocutor's attention was focused on the money he was silently counting behind the counter.

"The police got her. I don't know the details very well, but it seems they found out she had-" He made a pause, trying to build some suspense and grinning again at the process, all of it going unnoticed by Makoto, who apparently was having a better time counting money. "-a _boyfriend_."

Suddenly, it was as if Nagisa had dropped a gas bomb in the ambient, and Makoto jumped on his feet, eyes wide as the horror painted white every inch of his face. Next to him, Haruka had his face buried in the counter, and didn't bother to mirror his friend's deep exasperation.

Quickly but carefully, Makoto glanced around, as if he was expecting armed men to jump out of the walls and throw Protocol pages at their faces before arresting them.

"N-Nagisa!" He reprimanded in a terrified whisper. "Don't say this stuff out loud! Haruka has _costumers_ in here!"

"I was just telling you what I heard! Are we breaking the law now by simply talking about other people breaking the law?!" He sounded indignant, but Haruka could tell he was having his fun in seeing Makoto nervous.

"Just… don't… say this kind of _word_!"

"Okay, okay! Don't panic. Mako-chan, you need to learn to be as calm as Haru-chan. Look at him." He pointed the dormant figure of Haruka. "He doesn't even care."

"He probably didn't even listen to you." Corrected Makoto.

"Tall girl from Physics class got a boyfriend. And then she god arrested for it." In his defense, Haruka recited the words in a tedious tone, calmly raising his head as Makoto freaked out for the second time in a row.

"Can you _stop_ saying this word?! It's- it's wrong! What will people think of us?"

"Says the guy who gets In trouble with the police for smiling at everyone." Haruka retorted without losing his composure.

"I'm not- I won't- I'm working on it, okay?" An exasperated sigh came from Makoto, and he tossed the money back in the cash register. "You guys are making me nervous. I'll have to count all the money again."

Nagisa grinned at Haruka, who allowed a little smile of complicity to show up on his face. Almost every afternoon, Nagisa and Makoto would come and visit Haruka's coffee shop, mostly to help him with running the café during the busy hours, which could be translated as Makoto doing Haruka's work as Haruka and Nagisa did nothing relevant at all. It was weirdly comfortable for Haruka, and he just kept watching as Nagisa talked more.

"But, you know, I'm curious about what'll happen to her. We never hear much of people who get caught. Do you think they kill them?" Nagisa's eyes glittered with curiosity, which seemed to make Makoto a little uncomfortable.

"I… don't think so." He was still whispering, and it reminded Haruka of how drug-dealers would speak in bad action movies. "There are surgeries, right? To fix what's wrong with people's brain and such, I think."

"Yeah, but these are expensive, aren't they?" Nagisa frowned; he seemed genuinely interested in the subject. "Rei-chan talked about injections. Like, a therapy or something, so they won't make the same mistake again. But it doesn't sound too effective to me… I should ask more about it to Rei-chan."

"Who's Rei-chan?" Makoto asked, eyes on the money he was counting again. His eyebrows were furrowed.

"Ooh, that's right, you still don't know him! You weren't here when I brought him over. Haru-chan knows him, though! Isn't he nice, Haru-chan?"

"Dunno." Haruka mumbled in a distracted tone, watching the people around the café; some heads were turned towards Nagisa, probably because of his constant use of "-chan", something that made people incredibly uncomfortable these days (and could be just as troublesome as Makoto's innocent smiles to strangers).

"He's really smart! And he thinks a lot! He's really nice, too, but don't say that to him, or it'll get to his head." He laughed loudly, and more people looked at him, some of them looking genuinely annoyed. "I'll bring him over next time so you can meet him. And then we can talk about injections for curing people and all that stuff!"

"Doesn't sound very exciting" said Makoto with a small and somewhat nervous laughter. After finally counting all the money, he returned it to the cash register and glanced at Haruka. "Are you going out to buy dinner or you have food on your house already?"

For a second, Haruka stared at him.

"I know how to cook, mom."

The unexpected irony made Nagisa laugh again.

"Oh, Haru-chan is having none of your motherly skills! A true independent member of the post-Protocol society!"

"I was just- I was-" Makoto sighed nervously. "Well, if you need anything, I'm going to buy food for me later."

"I'm fine. Besides, I don't want to get arrested for going out late at night."

"Oh, crap! You're right!" Checking his wrist nervously, Makoto bit his lip. It was only 4 P.M, but he was acting like they were only a few minutes away from midnight. "Do you mind if I go now? I still have to buy a lot of stuff and help my mom with the siblings…"

"I don't mind." He shrugged.

"Don't smile at the ladies, Mako-chan! Oh, and don't smile at the guys as well!" Nagisa shouted playfully as Makoto rushed out of the coffee shop, earning a few horrified glares from the costumers and a nervous whimper from Makoto, who probably wanted to melt into the floor and never be seen again. Nagisa laughed again, and Haruka couldn't help but admire a little his careless, free attitude, not caring that at least twelve pair of eyes were looking at him in the same way they'd look as a dangerous dog ready to purposely bit people and infect them with a few different diseases. He turned back to Haruka, a ghost of laughter still playing on his lips.

"Well, I suppose you still want my amazing help with all these costumers, right, Haru-chan?"

"Sure. Just try not to scare them so much."

Nagisa laughed once more, an alien sound between those gray, naked walls.

* * *

To say that Haruka was startled was an understatement.

It was nearly 8 A.M, and the morning was especially cold and comfortable for him; nothing wrong with that. Soon, he knew he'd hear the doorbell ring and a girl with a long raspberry-colored ponytail would enter, bowing wordlessly to him before taking a seat, as she did every day in the exact same hour.

At some point, the door was opened with a bit more of violence than necessary; if it wasn't for this, Haruka would've probably never raised his eyes from the counter. But the loud sound caught his attention, and he looked up, expecting to find the very same girl of every day with her gray jogging clothes and silent manners-

Except she wasn't _that_ tall, and that-

That's not her. That's not a _her_. It's most definitely a _him_, this time.

Stupidly, the first thing Haruka notices are the teeth. It's a small detail, but a relevant one – he never saw such sharp teeth before in his life, and he's quite impressed with them, staring a little too much at the stranger's mouth before he realizes how weird that is, and raises his eyes.

_Raspberry hair_, he notices, but it's different; this guy's hair is shorter, but long enough to almost touch his shoulders, and a bit messier too. He's around Haruka's age, dressed all in black and gray, in accordance to the Protocol, and has a fluffy scarf around his neck that destroys any possible intimidating technique he wanted to use on Haruka. His figure is not aggressive, Haruka thinks, but he has sharp, annoyed eyes, and use them to look at Haruka, who can't help but feel a little challenged, like he just signed up to enter a glaring contest. He stares back with equal intensity (or so he hopes), and this seems to throw the stranger a little off balance, making him avoid his eyes reluctantly and glare at the empty tables instead.

When he's done with his glaring, seeming to realize the tables won't glare back at him like Haruka did, he decides to use his voice.

"Did anyone come in before me?"

The question is thrown at Haruka without hesitation or embarrassment, as direct as Haruka himself would be if he was wearing a fluffy scarf and looking for someone.

Which didn't mean he was going to be direct with his answer, of course.

"Why do you ask?"

The question didn't seem to please the stranger, making him use his favorite glare once again.

When he spoke again, his voice sounded contained, but his eyes were still a little too glued on Haruka.

"…I'm looking for someone. And you better help me."


	2. Chapter 2

There's a caterpillar walking on the stranger's arm, he notices, but Haruka decides not to mention it. Especially since it probably came from his untreated garden at the front door. He's not sure of how Mr. Fluffy Scarf would react once he knew there was a green, unwanted passenger taking a trip on his arm.

"I'm not sure if I can help you." Is all he says, and goes back to staring at his counter.

"Well, listen to me first!" Mr. Fluffy Scarf – Haruka just couldn't help mentally calling him like that – sighs and rubs his temples, looking like he's just lost a great business opportunity. "My sister- she went missing. She didn't come home yesterday and… we don't want to get the police involved. Not yet." He swallowed hard, eyes glued to Haruka. "I just found out she used to come here every single morning, at the exact same time. It's nothing much, but… it's a start. I'm checking other places she used to go as well, but this is the _only_ place she'd always go every day, no matter what. Which is a bit… weird. I don't know. Yeah."

As he spoke, his voice kept getting a little more high-pitched, as if his nervousness was taking over him slowly. He still had his brows furrowed, though, and seemed ready to punch anyone who tried to defy him.

And he was looking for his sister.

Ah, that would explain the (weird) hair.

"What's your name?" Haruka asked bluntly, for the sake of not mentally calling him "Mr. Fluffy Scarf".

"Matsuoka. Matsuoka Rin."

"Oh."

They silently stared at each other for a few seconds, and Haruka felt a weird sense of familiarity – probably because the other Matsuoka sibling had stared at him just yesterday, although not for so long and not so intensely. Rin furrowed his brows even more, to a point that Haruka didn't even know that was humanly possible.

"…Uh. Aren't you going to say _your_ name?" Mr. Fluffy Scarf- no, _Rin's_ voice sounded a little too impatient, and Haruka blinked slowly at him. Twice.

"Oh." He said again. And cleared his throat, trying to sound a little less like he was completely not paying attention to anything except Rin's pointy shark teeth. "I'm Nanase Haruka."

"So, Nanase-"

"Call me Haruka."

"…Haruka." Tested Rin, seeming a little surprised with the request. "I'll try to describe my sister for you, and you can tell me if you remember anythi-"

"No."

"…I'm sorry, what?" The contained anger mixed with confusion was bubbling in his voice.

"I can't simply go around telling stuff about my costumers."

Rin opened his mouth widely without producing a sound, and, for a moment, Haruka was confused if he was trying to use his shark mouth to scare him or simply couldn't find the right words. The latter turned out to be the actual truth, as Rin closed his mouth with a frustrated sound of someone who was almost done.

"She's my sister. And she's _missing_. I have the right to know about her."

"Do you have any proof she's your sister?"

"I- damn it, do you want me to walk around with her ID or what?!" He snarled at Haruka, who didn't seem impressed. Rin proceeded to toss his own ID at the counter, with a little more force than necessary. "If she bought stuff here at your coffee shop, you probably might remember her name. Here, I have the same surname, so stop being an ass with me."

Knowing it was pointless, Haruka still took Rin's ID, taking a moment to glance at his photo – a boy a few years younger was smiling brightly at him with harmless, adorable shark teeth, making the photo look a lot less colorless than it actually was.

"…Is this even you…?"

"_Of course_ it's me! What, do you think I go around stealing ID cards?!" Trying to calm himself down, Rin rested his elbows on the counter so his hands could support his head, like it was suddenly too heavy for his neck. "Just… look at the name. I really need you to help me here, you know."

"I don't know her name." Haruka said honestly. Rin raised his head to him, looking bewildered. "But yes, there's a girl who comes here every morning. I just don't know if she's your sister. And I won't say a thing without actual proof that you're related to her."

He expected Rin to yell at him. Instead, the guy simply stared at him confusedly.

"…You mean she comes here every day, but never bought coffee or anything?"

"She might have. Once. But never again."

"…Your coffee must really suck."

"Oh. You sound like you wanna try it." Haruka raised an eyebrow to him.

"Challenging me, aren't you?" Rin snorted. "Yeah, fine, whatever. It's not like I'm going away until you tell me about Gou anyway."

"Is that her name?" Behind the counter, Haruka was getting everything ready for brewing coffee.

"Yeah."

With a muffled sound, Rin settled himself next to the counter, watching Haruka with mildly annoyed eyes as he worked. At some point, Haruka involuntarily retuned the gaze, but the same fat, green caterpillar from before making its way up Rin's arm quickly stole his attention.

He couldn't help it.

"There's a caterpillar on your arm."

"A what- ah!" With a serie of small yet ferocious sounds, Rin tried to drive his unwanted passenger away with a slap of his hand, making the caterpillar fall on the floor with a wet sound. "What the _hell_. Seriously! _What._"

"There's a whole lot of them in the front garden."

"…No wonder no one wants your coffee."

"Still want to buy a cup?" The question was delivered in a quiet tone, and Rin wondered if Haruka would ever feel offended by anything.

Without really meaning to, Haruka directed his gaze back to Rin, and it stayed right there, on his face, with Rin staring right back at him. It was pointless, but enough to make Rin just a little bit uncomfortable, eyes escaping to the ceiling as if it was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

"…Yeah. Yeah, whatever." And those annoying blue eyes finally went away from him.

* * *

Despite him owning a coffee shop, the sight of Haruka working was a rare one. Most of the time, he'd simply sit behind the counter, staring mindlessly at the walls as people piled up to pay for their coffees, with Makoto usually working as his cashier (and gaining nothing in return, except for Haruka's silent approval). It's not that he was lazy – he simply didn't enjoy his function, and would probably feel a thousand times happier if he could simply cook mackerel all day instead of grinding coffee beans and drawing ugly birds on foam. But that was the life after the Protocol – everyone had a function, a small one, and people should feel happy about it. You would never see people begging for food on the streets, but you wouldn't see people working with a smile on their faces either. Haruka was just one more of them, and he was happy. He liked to believe that, as he sat behind his counter doing nothing at all.

That's why Makoto and Nagisa were so shocked to enter the small coffee shop and not only see Haruka _working _("I thought he didn't even know how to operate a cash register!", Nagisa exclaimed in utter surprise), but accompanied by another person.

Rin had tossed himself in the chair right next to him – the one where Haruka would usually sit as Makoto worked his ass off -, looking completely comfortable with himself and his position, as if that was his rightful place since birth – next to a bored barista writing teenager's names on their espressos. He had a small cup of coffee between his hands, carefully trying to use his spoon to draw something on the foam when Makoto and Nagisa approached the counter.

"Uh, H-Haruka?" Makoto's voice tone suggested he was talking to a sick person – well, Haruka was _working_. What the hell.

"Yes." _That's my name, Makoto. Thanks for saying it_ was written on his face, like a gigantic, sarcastic post-it. He handled a cup to the first person in line and was messing with the espresso machine when, out of nowhere, he asked: "Wanna take over?"

His tone was as casual and boring as it always would be, asking Makoto to do his work for him; that was a lot more like Haruka. After quickly glancing at Rin, Makoto exchanged a worried look with Nagisa, eyes darting back to Haruka soon after:

"Uh, sure."

A minute later, Makoto took his rightful place as Haruka's unpaid employee, with Haruka and Nagisa squeezed between him and Rin.

"I didn't know- I didn't know you two were friends." After receiving money from an old lady, Makoto smiled awkwardly at Haruka and Rin.

"We're not." The answer came from Haruka a little too quickly, and Rin shrugged by his side, mindlessly sipping his coffee. After a small pause, the barista added, "You know this guy?"

"It's _Rin_" Rin hissed from his chair, but Haruka politely ignored him.

"Uh, yeah. We, um, have some classes together, I think."

Makoto's answer made Rin rise his eyebrows only a little bit.

"Sure, Tachibana. Let's not mention how I saved your ass from those cops who wanted to arrest you for helping a girl to carry her stuff and smiling too much at her."

"H-Hey! I wasn't- I'm not-" With a defeated expression, Makoto sighed. Rin gave him a small, playful grin, and Haruka took his time analyzing those weird, pointy teeth. Maybe that's what happens to people who don't brush their teeth properly. Or maybe he simply had shark genes.

When he managed to look away from those stupid teeth, Haruka asked to Makoto:

"Do you know if he has a sister? He claims she's missing and wants to mess with my shop looking for clues or whatever."

"I don't want to _mess_ with it! I asked for your help, since-"

"Ah, that'd be Gou-chan!" Nagisa interrupted Rin's rant, raising his hand excitedly. "She's my pal at Uni." _Don't call my sister 'pal'_, screamed Rin's face without saying a word. "I heard her mention Rin-chan before…" ("Don't call me –chan! I don't even _know_ you!" "…He calls everyone –chan, Rin.") Nagisa frowned. "Is she really… missing? I didn't see her at classes today, but sometimes she skips…"

"She didn't come home yesterday." Rin answered with a small note of panic in his voice, and a weird silent fell between them.

There wasn't much violence going around these days. People missing could only mean two things – either they were caught by the cops doing something they shouldn't be doing, or they ran off to the Free Zones. _Rebels_, Haruka thought, and the word sank on his mind, not matching with the image of the quiet girl he'd seen every morning.

"See? You can trust me." Rin said abruptly, breaking the silence as he pointed to Makoto with his chin. Apparently, nothing could be a better alibi than being known by a nice tall guy who kept getting in trouble with cops for being too nice. "I'm not lying. Gou might be in trouble right now, and I really- I really need to do something. Please."

The last word caught Haruka's whole attention, and he blinked confusedly at Rin. For all the morning and the first half of the afternoon, he just sat there, right next to Haruka, sipping one espresso after another. He rarely opened his mouth, and except for the small furrow between his brows, hadn't show any kind of strong emotion. But there was a hidden anguish on his eyes, and it was showing now, as he begged for help, and Haruka wondered if maybe, just maybe, he had been worried for all day, constantly wondering what could possibly have happened to his sister, and maybe that's why he couldn't keep his feet quiet even while sitting, maybe that's why he drank so many espressos even though Haruka was pretty sure they tasted like shit.

Maybe it was all hidden inside him, like many of those gray people had their feelings hidden in a corner where they could never hurt; but now it was overflowing, and it overflowed in the form of _please_.

"…Fine."

His short answer earned a pair of surprised faces from Nagisa and Makoto.

"Are you really okay with it, Haruka? I thought you hated people meddling in-" Makoto started, but was cut off by a loud snort from Rin:

"Oh, shut up, Tachibana! My sister is in trouble, this is not the time for you to complain about how out of character you think your best friend is acting." He turned his head to Haruka in a flash: "Thanks, man."

For a crazy second, Haruka thought Rin was about to smile at him, until he noticed his face was actually contorting in horror instead of sympathy as he noticed a green, slimy creature on the hem of his shirt.

"Oh, fuck!" The lousy word earned him a bunch of terrified glares from the small line next to Makoto. "Not this thing again!"

"It wants to be your friend." Suggested Haruka, making Nagisa laugh a little too much. The sound of his laughter muffled Rin's indignant response.

Just for a little moment, he purposefully stared at Rin, just like he'd done earlier that day, and felt a weird sense of accomplishment when Rin avoided his gaze and pretended to be heavily interested in his new green buddy after just a few seconds of silent staring.

_I win_, Haruka thinks childishly. The world spins a little too fast with Nagisa's laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

"Could you stop watering those flowers in front of the shop? It's getting a bit out of hand."

"Ehh?" Nagisa directed his best indignant gaze to Haruka. "I'm not watering any flowers!"

"You're the one who came up with that garden thing. And there are a lot of new roses blossoming; someone must be taking care of those plants."

"But it's not me!" Noticing that Haruka wasn't even paying attention to him, the shorter boy made an annoyed sound. "Anyway, isn't it good if someone is watering your yard? You neglect those poor flowers so much, Haru-chan!"

_8:10 A.M_, and Haruka takes a small breath. The shop is still empty; the air is filled with Nagisa's loud voice and the aroma of coffee beans. He takes a long look at the ash-colored streets before answering in his usual monotone voice:

"The plants are attracting a lot of caterpillars. It's troublesome and gross."

"Then, do something about it! Don't complain about the fact that someone actually _cares _about your roses more than you do!"

"…It's you, isn't it. Stop watering them."

"I _told_ you it's not- ah!"

The shop doorbell rings, and Nagisa abruptly cuts his response; Rin had just walked in, wrapped in a dark coat, eyes intensely glued to Haruka's face as if he expected answers for all the troubles of the universe from him.

"Rin-chan!" Nagisa smiled at him cheerfully, making Rin ignore Haruka just for a brief second of surprise.

"…Don't use –chan on my name. You're Nagisa, right?" His tone suggested he was trying to look patient while speaking to a troublesome kid.

"Oh, um, yes!" Nagisa stuttered for a second, but managed to come up with a grin. Not much later, though, he bit his lower lip, looking a little anxious. "Any news about Gou-chan?"

"…No." His answer came as a mutter, and a pair of raspberry-ish eyes was set on Haruka. "Hey."

"…Hey." Haruka threw a neutral glance at him; surprisingly enough, Rin held his gaze.

"Can we speak now?"

"That's fine by me." Haruka's hands emerged from behind the counter, and he was holding an empty coffee cup. "I just finished grinding the beans."

For a brief moment, Rin allowed himself to grin.

"Great. I was about to order that watery espresso of yours."

* * *

"I remember a thing. A weird thing. About her."

Those sparse words quickly grabbed hold of Rin's attention, and he finally stopped to stare angrily at his half-empty espresso cup. He was sitting with Haruka in one of the coffee's tables, both surrounded by the emptiness of the early morning; it wasn't like Haruka had many customers in any time of the day, but things were especially slow in the mornings. Nagisa had insisted to take over the counter, and was proudly placed behind it, giggling at his cellphone in a way that would probably get Makoto worried over how illegal his texts could possibly be.

"What is it?" The anxiety made Rin's voice crack a little, knuckles white as he squeezed his espresso cup. "Did she meet with someone?"

"No. She was always alone." Slowly, his memories wandered to the image of Gou scribbling on his napkins; she'd always leave his napkin holders in a perfect messy state. "But she would always grab a few of my napkins."

The response made Rin furrow his eyebrows at him.

"How is that weird?"

A loud snort came from the counter, letting them know that, despite being busy with his cellphone, Nagisa could still hear them:

"Pfft! No one uses napkins, Rin-chan. Seriously."

Rin opened his mouth wide, ready to reply to such lousy conclusions – and maybe to remind Nagisa not to call him 'Rin-chan' once again -, but Haruka was (surprisingly) quicker.

"She scribbled on the napkins. And, before scribbling, she'd spend a long time picking napkins. I think." He shrugged slowly.

"She'd write on them after picking a few specific ones, huh…" Rin seemed lost in thought, eyes fixated on his espresso. After a small lapse of time, the furrow between his brows became deeper, and when he raised his head to focus his surprised eyes on Haruka, he noticed the other had been staring at him with his usual blank look. "Do you think- someone was sending her _messages_?"

The idea seemed to float around Haruka's mind for a while; he shrugged soon after.

"Who knows. Maybe."

Rin wasn't as nearly as calm as him; he stood up a little too quickly, almost throwing his espresso cup in the air while doing so.

"Do you think the napkins are still here? The ones she used to pass messages."

"Probably not. She must've thrown them away."

"Well, it won't hurt if we look for it, right? Get your ass up and help me."

The way Rin spoke had Haruka frowning slightly, but he kept his thoughts to himself. In a much more composed fashion than Rin, Haruka got up from his seat and watched with bored eyes as Rin analyzed his napkin holders with immense precision, taking each napkin at a time and opening it, as if he was expecting to find a hidden bomb.

"He's sure into it, huh?" Nagisa greeted him with a giggle when Haru approached the counter, not intending to join Rin in his journey of destroying his napkins.

"It's not like he's going to find anything. It's pointless."

* * *

"Rin."

The shop was dimly lit as it always was when night approached. Through the glass doors, Haruka could see the empty, cold streets and his wild garden of roses squeezed in a corner, looking out of place in the dark, concrete-filled landscape. But he wasn't paying any attention to that; his eyes followed Rin as he checked all the napkins of each and every table for what was probably the 214th time.

"Rin." He called again, his voice a bit louder this time.

His answer came as a snarl. "What is it?"

"You won't find anything."

"Maybe I _would_ if you helped me, Haruka." He threw an accusatory glare at the barista. "This is _your_ shop. And you said you'd help. But you've just spent the day sitting behind that stupid counter while I stupidly searched for some fucking napkins."

"That's the kind of language that can get you into jail these days."

"Fuck if I care!" Rin reminded him of a wounded animal, looking hurt and bewildered at the same time as he glared at Haruka from the other side of the small café. "My sister is _missing_ and I don't even know if she was kidnapped, or ran away, or whatever else! I couldn't care less if I fucking get arrested for yelling some lousy words. Do you hear me? _I don't fucking care._"

His words seemed to echo in Haruka's mind – a faint sense of remembrance came to him, and he wondered if someone screamed like that at him in the past. He waited until Rin's breath calmed down and watched the other boy throw himself on the closest chair, sighing heavily.

"Are you done?"

"No."

Something soft hit Rin on the back of his head – the touch was light enough to make it feel almost like a caress, but he cursed anyway, grabbing in the air the small piece of crumbled paper before it could fall on the floor.

"What the _hell_ was that for?"

"I found it on the trash can."

"…And you thought it'd be a good idea to throw it at me." Rin's voice tone was a mix of annoyance, anger and the kind of feeling only a person who spent an entire day checking all the napkins on a coffee shop would have.

"There's something scribbled on it."

That was enough to make Rin's face light up. His anxious fingers tried to undo the tiny ball of paper, and when he finally managed to open the napkin, a confused gaze took over his eyes.

"These scribbles… what language is this?" He raised his head to Haruka, who was still behind the counter. "Where did you find it?"

"It was on the trash." He shrugged when Rin made a weird sound and threw the crumbled piece of paper on the table. "It's been piling up behind the shop since last week."

"…Um, why don't you throw it away…?"

"I tend to forget sometimes."

"Oh. _Sometimes._" Rin raised his eyebrows.

"Well, if I didn't, we'd never have found it." He indicated the paper with his chin.

Surprisingly enough, that made Rin smile, something that made Haruka avert his eyes and stare at the counter instead, after a quick moment of surprise and wonder.

"Thank you."

"For what?" He was still staring at the counter, face as neutral as ever. Looking at that smile felt just wrong – Rin had that kind of smile that could get people in trouble those days, the kind of smile that was hard to look away from. Haruka hated it a little.

"Well, you probably spent a lot of time looking for it in the middle of all your trash." He gulped and squeezed the piece of paper – it was Rin's turn to avert Haruka's eyes. "And, I, uh, I might have been a bit, uh, rude earlier. For complaining about you not helping me. I, um, I didn't notice you were searching for it too. So, uh, I guess, I'm, uh, sorry."

He finished his broken speech with a nervous sigh, and looked back at Haruka, who was looking at him with the most unimpressed face ever.

"Don't stare at me. Say something."

It took Haruka a while to notice the faint rosy tone on Rin's cheeks.

"You're blushing."

"I'm _not_ blushing. What the hell."

"You are."

"You're a pain."

"You too."

After the small exchange of words, they went back to their usual awkward silence. When Haruka raised his eyes to speak to Rin again, he was surprised to see a little smile tugging the corners of the boy's mouth.

"Do you think it really has to do with your sister?"

"Maybe." He hid the paper on his front pocket. "I suppose there isn't many people scribbling around on your napkins, is there? I can't tell if it's her writing, or what these weird symbols mean, but I'm gonna find out."

Haruka nodded slightly.

"I'll help you."

The declaration seemed to take Rin by surprise for a while; he blinked at Haruka without saying a word for a while.

"You don't really have to. I just wanted you to help me find anything here in the café that could lead me to Gou. If you find anything else, though, you're welcome."

"But I want to help." His words were simple and calm, and he held Rin's gaze until Rin averted his eyes. He was always the first one to do it.

"Thanks." His eyes found their way back to Haruka's face, and he grinned. "But you're still a pain."

"Same about you." The words were muttered quickly out of Haruka's mouth before he checked the small clock on his counter. "It's almost midnight, by the way."

"Oh." A small, choked sound came from Rin, and he got up quickly from his seat, only to stare at the streets for a fraction of second and sit down again. "Shit. It's late." He got up. "Shit. Shit." He sat down again. "The police… if someone sees me on the streets… so late…"

Haruka watched it for a while, finding a strange sense of comfort into seeing Rin bouncing on his chair.

"You can't go outside. They'll arrest you on the spot. No one can leave their houses this late at night."

"I _know_, but- _shit_. What am I supposed to do?" He paused, looking at Haruka as if he was noticing he was there for the first time, and his jaw almost dropped. "You're screwed too! How you're going home this late?"

"I live upstairs." He nodded at the ceiling. "The stairs are behind the house."

"Oh."

There it was again. Their special awkward silence.

"You can stay here. I don't mind." Haruka blurted out before he could think about it better.

"I- what?" His voice cracked a little.

"Not _here_, in the shop. Upstairs." By now, Haruka was checking his front door's locks. "I don't have a spare bed, but I think the sofa is big enough for you."

"But- but-" Rin's voice was as loud as a whisper, and he was fidgeting a lot. "It's- I don't think it's legal to sleep outside your house." He cleared his throat. "_Especially_ on someone else's house."

Haruka was making his way back to the counter.

"It's your choice. I just figured it'd be better than to risk yourself on the streets and make the guards and policemen think you're up to something illegal."

"I'll be doing something illegal both ways." Rin muttered as his rolled his eyes.

"Makoto slept here before. He didn't die or was arrested or anything." Haruka paused. "He _did_ wake up with his back hurting, though. I think he's too big for my sofa."

"Shit. Tachibana sleeping outside, huh?" Rin's eyes were wide with surprise. "I never thought that guy would be up to some outlaw action."

"He ended up staying here for too long without noticing. Just like you."

"Welll, you could've _warned_ me."

"Are you coming or not?" Haruka politely ignored Rin's last piece of information and was turning off the lights in the café. "These streets aren't patrolled as much as the main streets, but I'll be in trouble if someone sees the lights on."

It took Rin almost an entire minute to get up from his seat and wobble in Haruka's direction as if he feared Haruka would grab him by the arm and lock him away.

"Just so you know, I'm not a kidnapper." Haruka added, judging it was important to make it clear before Rin tried to run away. "Or a murderer. Or a slaver. Or a pervert. Or-"

"_I get it_, stop saying these words! You're making me nervous!" Rin's face was only half-visible, bathed in the golden tones of the lamp hanging precariously above Haruka's small staircase. They were already behind the house, and the world around them was as dark as it could be. "… I never did something like this before."

"Something like what?" Haruka whispered back as he fished his keys out of his pocket.

"Something illegal."

Rin's whispered words were slightly muffled by what sounded like a million of crickets spread through the night. As they got higher in the staircase, the yellow light became scarcer, and Rin had a hard time finding the steps and trying not to trip on his own shoelaces.

"It's so dark", he muttered again, sounding awfully excited for someone who was worried about his illegal sleepover. It reminded Haruka of how Nagisa would giggle whenever he mentioned people doing other illegal activities, such as dating, intimate acts and displays of affection.

"People used to do it all the time."

"What?"

Rin was squeezed between Haruka's back door and Haruka himself, watching him curiously as he tried to figure out which key was the correct one in the dark of the night. Their whispered conversation went on.

"Sleeping out of their houses. Living together with others." Haruka's voice was so low that Rin wouldn't have listened to him if they weren't so (uncomfortably) close. "It used to be normal, a long time ago. At least that's what Nagisa says."

"That sounds weird." Rin made a face. "I bet he made it up."

Rin's breath tickled on Haruka's cheek, and he felt disorientated for a moment, before he went back to his personal quest of finding his back door key.

"Maybe he did." He muttered idly. "I don't know. Sounds too surreal to me."

"Yeah."

They didn't speak for a while – maybe the proximity made Rin a little uncomfortable too. When Haruka finally managed to unlock the door, Rin let out a relieved breath. He made way for Haruka to walk in first, and when the barista looked back at him, he found the boy grinning on his doorstep.

_What?,_ Haruka wanted to ask. But he didn't. He stared back and waited for an explanation. As if he could read his mind, Rin's grin just got a little wider.

"All this illegal action is fun, you know."

Haruka couldn't tell if he was serious or just joking around.

"I haven't forgot how terrified you looked when I invited you over, though."

"Oh, stop being such a pain in the ass."

"_You_ stop it first."

As dark as it was, Haruka knew Rin was smiling too.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a dream, a dream he just had, and he was trying to remember it. He _really_ wanted to remember it.

Rin had his eyes closed, and was partially aware of how awake he was. But he wasn't going to get up anytime soon; not until he remembered the dream. It was a nice one, he thinks. That's why he was trying to remember it.

It was like a fleeting image – the dream escaped from his mind completely as soon as he had barely awoken. That's the thing about nice dreams – they're assholes most of the time. They like to erase themselves from people's minds. Nothing like the bad dreams – no, those were glued to everyone's mind, sometimes repeating themselves – like Rin's stupid nightmare.

_I don't want to remember it now_, he thinks, eyes still closed. But he does anyway. It's playing on his mind again. The nightmare. The bad dream. There's a young woman whose hair looks like fire, whose eyes are just like his – his _mother_ – and she's holding him by the shoulders. She's kneeling in front of him, and Rin thinks she's about to say something important, but she remains quiet, squeezing his shoulders softly. The silence makes him want to talk, to yell at her – he doesn't know _why _or _how_, and his voice just won't come out, like it usually happens in dreams.

There's something he _needs_ to say to her, but he doesn't even know what it is.

And it happens – there's a _thing_ dragging him away, slowly but firmly, away from the woman's grasp. He tries to scream, he's scared, so scared, but the woman looks peaceful. She's still kneeling on the blank floor, eyes still focused at him, becoming a bit smaller as he's dragged away by many invisible claws. They're everywhere – on his shoulders, his neck, his arms. And he has no idea why, but it terrifies him. It terrifies him to death.

The memory is enough to make his eyes snap open. Suddenly, he's a little too awake, and Haruka is standing in front of his nest of blankets, staring down at him.

_It's raining_, Rin notices. The house is surrounded by the smell of rain and the sounds of water droplets hitting solid surfaces.

"You were frowning in your sleep." The announcement came from Haruka, making Rin direct his attention back at him.

"Damn. Do you always stare at people sleeping?"

Haruka remained quiet for only a moment.

"…I'm going to the coffee shop."

There wasn't anything different in his voice, really; it was the same dead tone as usual. But _something_ – maybe the way he dragged the words out of his mouth – made Rin feel a little bit nervous and guilty of who-knows-what. Maybe it was rude of him to complain about the staring. He was, after all, inside _Haruka's_ house, sleeping in _his_ sofa, curled up in _his_ blankets.

Damn.

"I made breakfast. You can eat it if you want to." Haruka's voice filled the air again before Rin could think of anything smarter than 'uh' to say.

"Uh."

"When you head out, please use the backdoor. There's a guard on the street. He'll notice if you show up at the café without using the front door."

"What? There's no way-"

"The shop front door is made of glass. He can see things on the inside." The way Haruka looked at him made something inside Rin boil a little; it was like he was speaking to a child.

"Then why do you have a fucking glass door? It just makes it easier for these guys to snoop in."

If Haruka could sigh for two years straight, he'd probably start it at that moment.

"The Protocol demands it. Glass doors for shops." He paused to grab his keys. "The Protocol demands that '_these guys'_ can 'snoop in' and see if we're not doing something illegal."

"Like letting a guy sleep on your couch because of their own stupid night rules?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm glad they can't see your couch through the glass door." Rin grinned, but Haruka promptly ignored him.

"I'm heading downstairs. Remember what I said and use the backdoor. I left it unlocked for you."

"Is it okay? To left it unlocked, I mean."

"I'll come up and lock it later."

Before Haruka could finish lacing his shoes, Rin decided to voice something that popped up on his mind as soon as the barista mentioned 'guards'.

"Isn't it weird?" As he spoke, Rin emerged from his nest of blankets and touched the floor with a naked foot. It was cold.

"What? "

"Guards. There weren't any yesterday for most of the day, I think."

Haruka shrugged.

"They have patrols. It's only natural. Since it's a small side street, they don't always happen."

"But still… to have a guard on the street so early in the morning in such a small street… strange."

"…This is a very poor attempt at scaring me, isn't it." A pair of deadpan blue eyes stared at Rin from the stairs.

"No! No. I was just pointing out." Rin proceeded to stare at Haruka, then at his own feet, then at Haruka again. "Okay, I might have been trying to." He watched with satisfaction as the other boy rolled his eyes. "What? I'm just trying to start a conversation."

"What for?"

"Uh, I don't know." A mental note on Rin's mind screamed for him not to blush. He was blushing anyway. Just a little, he imagined. But still. _What_. _Where did that come from_. "You're helping me. I don't see any harm in being friendly to you."

The answer didn't seem to impress Haruka.

"No need to try to." And with that, he disappeared in the staircase.

"Oh. Screw you too." Rin mumbled to no one in particular.

The house felt a lot bigger than it actually was without Haruka there – maybe because it was an unknown house to Rin. He barely noticed anything when they arrived the night before, only that Haruka had some dolphin-shaped lampshades scattered around the house and they were the weirdest thing Rin had ever seen in a long time. Aside from that, everything else was pretty plain – the same one would find in any house, anywhere in the city.

He walked around for a bit, making sure to fold the blankets Haruka had lent him before getting up from the couch. As promised, there was breakfast waiting for him in the kitchen – if Haruka's definition of 'breakfast' was a bunch of mackerel, at least. _Only _mackerel, and nothing else. It was tasty, though, so Rin was more than pleased with it.

He was particularly fascinated by the blue dolphin lampshade at the living room, until he noticed the big glass window behind it –he had completely missed it thanks to the big blue curtains hiding it from him. It was almost like a wall of glass, and Rin wondered how Haruka could be comfortable with that when the Government had its eyes on everyone's business. Well, knowing him, maybe he never really thought about it. Or maybe it was his own way of saying 'whatever' to the Government and the Protocol.

The outside world was slightly distorted by the countless raindrops on the glass, but he could see everything – the people walking orderly in the gray streets, gray buildings, gray smoke in the distance, gray skies bursting with rain, gray walls surrounding the city, all of it framed by blue curtains. On the top of everything, far in the distance, though, there was a golden sand strip sprawling beyond the walls – the Free Zones. The outside world. Everything that died and everything that lived in fear was there. It seemed so far away, so harmless, yet so imposing. It was crazy, he thought – outside those walls, there was nothing like the Protocol. Outside those walls, he'd be able to wander around way past midnight, and would never get arrested for doing so. And some would say that, outside those walls, men and women could walk freely. Even more than that – men and women could _love_, and wouldn't be considered sick or harmful for doing so.

And all that was keeping the city apart from all that mess was a tall concrete wall.

There were also the bad things, of course. It was easy to die out there, they said. There was sickness, wilderness and all kinds of danger, starting with the free people themselves. Inside those concrete walls, there was nothing like that. There was no harm. People locked their houses for the simple tradition of doing so. Leaving them unlocked would never be a problem, not in a city without burglars, crime or any kind of troubles. Not in a city where everyone was equally rich, equally poor and equally employed.

His trail of thoughts ended up in Gou, as they kept doing lately. His hands were starting to get a little too cold while touching the glass, but he didn't mind. He wondered if she was out there, where the sand shined and there was no wall imprisoning her. He wondered if she was sick or endangered, and the thought scared him more than it'd ever scare her. He wondered if the police was after her, if anyone besides him was desperately trying to look for her.

_I'll find you. I'll find you._ Over and over again, he tried to convince himself. _You'll be just fine._

On his way out of the house, Rin remembered what Haruka said and made sure to use the back door, furtively slipping away from the house.

He only noticed he had forgot his scarf when he was already home, partially soaked by the rain.

_Hell if I'm going back there just for that_, he thought to himself. Rin imagined what Haruka would say to him because of that.

He didn't notice he was grinning.

* * *

"You know, Haru-chan, there are more caterpillars trying to get in than actual costumers."

The commentary earned Nagisa ten seconds of Haruka staring silently at him from behind the counter.

"And whose fault do you think it is."

"Eh? I can't believe you're still trying to blame me for it! I swear I'm not touching those roses! You need to believe in me! Haru-chan!"

To emphasize his point, Nagisa started to tug repeatedly at whatever part of Haruka's shirt he could reach without creeping out the costumers too much, but Haruka wasn't paying much attention. Between actually working – which was a rarity itself – and trying to get out of Nagisa's reach, he'd stare at the door whenever someone came in. He didn't make it clear to himself (or to anyone, really), but he was kind of expecting Rin to come in, or _hoping_ he would. Not that it made any sense – it wasn't like Rin had any business with him anymore. They interacted for, what, three or four days? Maybe that's why he felt it was a bit unfair of Rin to just disappear after such short time. But why would he stick around anyway? It wasn't like they were friends or anything.

Still, it had been an entire day since Rin walked away from his living room, and he hadn't heard a thing of him.

Rin's scarf was tucked away somewhere in his room.

It was a very weird feeling, one that he never really experienced before, not even when Makoto promised to bring him mackerel and took ages to show up.

Someone pushed the glass door open with a very special measure of unnecessary force, and Haruka knew who it was even before raising his eyes from the counter.

"Hey!" The distance between Rin and the counter was covered in quick steps, and he positioned himself next to a girl paying for her espresso. Haruka was a little stunned by his sudden appearance, and, after taking a few seconds just to look at Rin and try to sort out the messy state of his thoughts, he said:

"There's a caterpillar on your head."

"What- oh, no, not _again_!" With a hiss, Rin removed the unwanted visitor from his hair; the costumer by his side walked away a little too fast, trying to protect her espresso from any remaining caterpillars. "Why they're always trying to climb on _me_?"

"Maybe they mistake you for a rose, Rin-chan! You should feel honored!" Nagisa was grinning at him.

"Oh, you're here too! Hey." Rin waved politely at Nagisa, whose grin just became wider. "Actually, I was wondering if, uh, any of you guys could help me out with a thing."

"Oh." Haruka's gaze was fixated on his espresso machine, but his words alone were enough to pierce through Rin. "So that's why you came."

"Huh? What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing."

"My ass. What is it?"

"I said it already. It's nothing."

"…You're so _weird_."

"You're one to talk."

They glared at each other for almost half a minute, which resulted in Nagisa nervously bursting out in an anxious laughter.

"Well, aren't you two precious!" He tapped Rin's shoulder affectionately, like they'd been friends for years. "But but, Rin-chan, you said you needed help with a thing? What is it? I'm curious!"

Nagisa's attempt to break the tension between the two boys was alarmingly obvious – Haruka didn't show any signs of wielding to it, sustaining his gaze and expecting Rin to do the same. To his surprise, though, Rin forced himself to direct his attention to Nagisa, eyes softening a little at his pleading tone.

"Oh, right. It's just- remember how we were searching stuff here the other day? Haruka and I came across a piece of paper that might help us know what actually happened to Gou." His eyes darted back to Haruka very briefly; the barista was already occupied with a costumer. "There are some lines written in a weird language. I searched everywhere for an alphabet, or a syllabary, _anything_ that could match this writing, but I didn't find anything like this. It's a bit unnerving."

"So that's what you were doing yesterday", Haruka blurted out.

Nagisa's eyes were dancing between Rin's slightly surprised face and Haruka's deadpan expression.

"Yes. Yes." Rin had no idea why he had to say 'yes' twice. Maybe Haruka's face was demanding a longer explanation and that was the only way Rin could think of making it longer. He cleared his throat. "Anyway- I wanted to ask around a bit, I'm sure someone might know what language is it, but I also don't want to go around telling about my sister. So, since you guys already know everything, I thought about asking you."

Haruka's answer was immediate.

"I don't know a thing about foreign languages."

Rin opened his mouth quickly, as if he'd anticipated a snarky remark from Haruka and was ready to answer it, but the sincere answer caught him unprepared.

"Umm, I'm sorry, Rin-chan, I'm afraid I'm not much help either…" The words seemed to make Nagisa shrink a little with each syllable, and he looked genuinely disappointed for not being able to help. Shortly after, his eyes glittered out of nowhere and he almost jumped out of his chair. "Ah! Wait! I _can_ help!"

"You _can_?" Haruka and Rin blurted out at the same time; the coincidence made Rin open his mouth in a dumb 'o' again, but Haruka seemed unruffled.

"Yes! I can! Don't look so surprised!" He pouted, eyes still glittering. "Well, it's not exactly _me_, but I know a person who can help."

"Who is it?" The question came from Rin and Nagisa grinned, teasing his friends with an unnecessary prolonged silence, until Haruka decided to break it:

"Rei."

"You're no fun, Haru-chan! Let me answer it!" The pout was now directed at Haruka.

Rin furrowed his eyebrows.

"Who's Rei anyway?"

"It's a friend." There was something about the way Nagisa's lips curled up into a smile that made Rin feel a little uneasy. "Well, I was going to see him anyway. I'll take the opportunity to drag him back here." He jumped out of his chair. "Wait for us! I'll be back in a sec."

Before Rin could argue, Nagisa has already merged with the gray mass of people walking on the streets. It was weird how he looked just like one more ordinary person when he was out of the café – just as gray and composed as anyone else.

"Damn, he's so energetic." Rin sighed.

Haruka didn't answer. They preserved the silence for a while – it was comfortable too, watching Haruka serve his few costumers with plastic cups and draw things in latte foam.

"You left your scarf here."

"I know." Rin couldn't help but grin. It was weird. He wasn't the kind of person who smiled or grinned a lot, but sometimes he couldn't help it. "Want me to go get it back?"

"I'll give it to you later." Without further explanation, Haruka presented him with a foaming espresso cup.

"Oh, thanks! How much do I-" Rin paused as he looked at the cup with more attention; Haruka used chocolate syrup to draw what looked like the cover of a horror film. "…What is this terrifying face?"

"It's you."

_Oh._

Somewhere inside Rin's mind, a wounded animal moaned in pain.

"Wha- I'm not _that_ ugly!"

"I never said you were." Haruka muttered with a small shrug. "It's frowning and oozing anger. Just like you."

"I'm not _oozing anger_!"

Haruka raised his eyebrows only a little.

"You're yelling."

A few more minutes went by in almost complete silence between them, only casually interrupted by Rin muttering to himself what partially sounded like 'looks like a fucking shark' and 'pretty sure my teeth aren't so big'.

"I want another one."

"What." Haruka stared at Rin with a small note of confusion in his voice.

"I want another drawing. This one is making me cringe."

"You'll have to pay for it."

"…Now you're just being unfair." Rin pouted. "I don't want to pay to make you see me in a decent manner."

"You'll have to pay for it", Haruka repeated. He noticed Rin's gaze on him, and cocked his head. "…What."

"It's… nothing." Rin's eyes weren't looking at him anymore; he looked like he was lost in thought, eyes fixated in a point invisible to Haruka. "It's just… sometimes… sometimes, when I'm here, I kind of forget."

"Forget what?"

"About Gou. About the walls." He mumbled. Slowly, his eyes returned to Haruka's face; his gaze was lost and somewhat bothered. "It's weird. And annoying. Because I remember everything I soon as I walk out. All the shit that's happening." He paused. "But here… right now… and other times, too, I kind of forget. I mean, my memory was always shitty, but this is different. This isn't about my memory. It's like I'm getting sucked in into another universe." Rin didn't notice he was holding his breath until he spoke again. "Don't you think it's weird?"

The question sounded like something Haruka heard a thousand times before, a thousand years ago. Yet he didn't remember anyone saying those words.

"No." His answer was quiet. "I don't think it's weird at all.


	5. Chapter 5

There's something about the way Nagisa walks in the streets that makes him different from the Nagisa who laughs in a small coffee shop, the Nagisa who tugs Makoto's arm and tries to squeeze it between his chest and his own arm – this time, he's not smiling, he doesn't look playful or remotely excited. He simply looks like Hazuki Nagisa, just one more citizen in the gray mass that walks around the city. He even puts his hood up in order to make his blonde hair less apparent.

That's what people do when they have a big secret, he thinks – they hide themselves in every possible scenario. And Nagisa was a good liar. He always had been. Differently from Makoto, he knew how to hide his own feelings and plan his actions in advance so that no one would ever think he was hiding something.

But once it was just him, Rei and the empty air around them, things changed.

Nagisa didn't need to wear a second skin around Ryugazaki Rei.

"I can't _believe_ you're still writing your thesis thing!" His arms squeezed Rei harder, as if he expected the other to drop his papers once he was between Nagisa's arms.

"Nagisa-senpai, be careful." As gently as possible, Rei freed himself from Nagisa's arms, squeezing his hands lightly while doing so. "Someone could be-"

"_No one's_ looking." Nagisa pouted. "How many times do I have to tell you? I checked the cameras, they're still not working. Checked the corridors, not a person in sight. I told you before, didn't I? I have a natural talent for breaking laws." He paused and grinned. "Makoto might be right about that. Maybe I _do_ have a criminal mind."

"Don't say that about yourself!"

"But that's what we're doing, right? All this skinship." Teasingly, Nagisa sat at the table in front of Rei, touching his shoulder with the tip of his fingers. As Rei's face became redder, he burst out laughing.

"You're such a baby, Rei-chan!"

"Don't…!" With a defeated sigh, the taller boy organized his papers and tried to get back to his work. He raised a pair of hesitant eyes to Nagisa. "But… if no one's around… then it's fine." Before Nagisa could open a full smile, he added: "But you have to let me work on this too. These papers are due to next week."

"Okay, okay! I wouldn't dream of ruining your plans for working with the government. You know, beating up people that get frisky with others under their sheets and all that crazy stuff." Placing himself behind Rei, Nagisa wrapped him in his arms again, hearing him sigh loudly as he rested his head on Rei's left shoulder.

"No one's gets beaten up for that, Nagisa-kun. They get arrested."

"Or killed."

"Or killed." Rei agreed. His eyes were focused on his papers, his pen resting just a few millimeters above the white surface. His ear was a little too hot and red against Nagisa's cheek, making the boy grin.

"Well, good thing I'm getting frisky under the sheets with a future Mr. Government Person or Mr. Policeman or Mr. Whatever-Career-You-Choose. Hopefully, you won't have the courage to beat me up. Or kill me." His tone was playful. "Or will you, Rei-chan?"

"You're not making things any easier, Nagisa-senpai!" Rei's face was all red now, and Nagisa watched with satisfaction as he dropped his pen. "Stop making such morbid jokes!"

"Alright, alright! I'll shut up." He leaned against Rei, trying to find a better position and also to show his pout to him.

"It's not that I want you to shut up." Rei pretended not to feel Nagisa nuzzling against his neck, failing miserably to hide the blush on his cheeks. "It's just that you make me nervous when you talk like that."

"That's the purpose! I was teasing you."

"It's not nice to tease others about serious things, Nagisa-senpai." He picked up his pen again. Nagisa's eyes wandered from his hand to the circle of yellow light illuminating his papers. "You know I don't want to work with the government to kill people or hurt anyone in any way. I want to change things. I want to make this city a better place." Rei paused, lost in thought. "I realized… a lot of things. I discovered a lot of new things. And you helped me with it all. The least I can do is try to change things for the better. I want to live in a place where we don't have to hide ourselves and live in fear."

"Don't we all?" A small laughter came from Nagisa, but it sounded somewhat sad in Rei's ears. "I think you can do it, Rei-chan. You can definitely change things."

"Th-thanks."

"But are you sure working with the people that are imposing all this suffering on us a good choice? It's not like they'll listen to you like I do." Nagisa was now playing with the buttons of Rei's jacket. "It takes a lot of love to listen to you without wanting to squeeze you, just so you know." He laughed. "They won't love you like I do."

"No, not while they believe that love is wrong and everyone who feels it should be put down." Rei purposefully ignored Nagisa's last piece of information, but the red blush was still vibrant on his cheeks.

They remained quiet for a few minutes, but Nagisa didn't let go of his lover, arms still wrapped around him, with his torso pressed against Rei's chair as he scribbled. Nagisa liked it when Rei was quiet, too; sometimes, while speaking, he'd stumble over his words and talk a lot, which was terribly cute to Nagisa, but when he was busy with writing, reading or any other of his favored intellectual activities, Rei was the most beautiful person in the world. Nagisa loved how serious and composed he could look behind those glasses, how he seemed to forgot the world around him as he reflected.

It only made Nagisa want to mess with him all over again so Rei could go back to his cute, passionate self.

"So what's this paper about? It's the same of last week?" He took a peek of Rei's work, stretching his neck over the taller boy's shoulder.

"No. This one is about old traditions and habits banned by the Protocol."

"There are tons of them! Which ones?"

"Uh, quite a lot. There's…" He grabbed a paper from the pile and read aloud: "Annual festivities, social movements, cohabitation…"

Nagisa wasn't really paying attention to it; he didn't know what half of those things were, he just really wanted to hear Rei babbling happily about his work like he'd occasionally do. He also knew that Rei really enjoyed learning about old costumes and he had no one to talk about it, given that the subject would make most people freak out.

"Hey," he called after Rei was done listing all the things he was currently writing about, "When you're done for the day, could you come with me to Haru-chan's coffee shop? There's something we need your help with."

"My help?" Rei looked somewhat thrilled, like he'd always do when Nagisa invited him to do anything at all. "What's the matter?"

"Do you remember Gou-chan?"

Rei furrowed his brows, trying to remember.

"Uh…"

"The girl from our Physics class. The one with a ponytail."

"I don't really pay attention to the girls. Or boys." He cleared his throat. "You shouldn't either. Could get you in trouble."

"Oh, c'mon, I like talking to people! She was my friend, remember? You talked with her once, too! You dropped your pen and she helped you find it."

Sudden realization hit Rei, and he blinked.

"Oh. Now I remember." He nodded. "She needs our help?"

"Not her. I mean, yeah, in a way, but not directly." Nagisa shrugged. "She went missing and her brother is looking for her."

"Missing? As in 'kidnapped'?" Rei was now genuinely interested. "Or the 'running-away-with-the-rebels' kind?"

"We don't know yet. She just kind of vanished." Nagisa noticed that Rei was now facing him, still trapped between his arms. "Why would anyone kidnap her, though? We don't hear about burglars or criminals in _years_."

"There are other reasons to kidnap people."

"Wow, you sound like you spent a lot of time thinking about reasons to kidnap others, Rei-chan. _Eeeevil._"

Rei did his best to ignore Nagisa and keep his trail of thought.

"But I suppose running away makes more sense, given our current predicament." He got up from his chair, carefully freeing himself from Nagisa's arms, as if he was afraid to break them in half. "Why do you need my help?"

"Well, long story short, we found what could be a message that could be either from Gou or directed at Gou, but it's in a weird language and we need someone smart, capable and beautiful to decipher it for us!" He pointed at Rei excitedly. "That's where you come in."

The excessive praising made Rei blush, just as expected.

"I-I'm- but- I appreciate you have such thoughts of me-"

"You have no idea of the thoughts I have about _you_." A devilish grin was placed on Nagisa's lips. Rei allowed a small noise of despair to escape his mouth before he proceeded:

"-b-but I'm no linguist. Th-that's totally not my area of study."

"But you're smart! You read a lot! I'm sure you can figure it out!" Nagisa tugged his arm. "You totally _can_!"

"When… when you put it like that…" A little smile of personal satisfaction was showing on Rei's lips, making Nagisa's grin go wider. "I will… do my best. But please don't expect anything extraordinary of me."

"I'm _always_ expecting extraordinary things of you!" With a quick glance, Nagisa checked their surroundings – the room was still empty, there were no security cameras around them, and Rei was still blushing right next to him.

Perfect opportunities like that shouldn't be wasted.

Before Rei can think of something to say to drag himself out of his little pool of embarrassment, Nagisa pulls him by the arm and kisses him lightly on the lips. The gesture – not so unexpected, given that Nagisa would probably kiss him with the same frequency they breathed, if they could do so –, makes Rei's cheeks burn, but he returns the kiss and they stay on it a little longer than planned.

Nagisa pulls out of the kiss like nothing happened, still all smiles and sweet eyes.

"So, when are you coming?"

"Huh?" Rei's mind was lost somewhere between Nagisa's lips and how nice his hair felt on his hand.

"To the coffee shop! I promised you'd go as soon as possible."

"Oh. Right. Let's go now."

"Now?" Nagisa eyed him with worry. "What about your papers?"

"Ah." Rei pushed his glasses up his nose. "I'm done with them already."

"What a liar! You were writing them just now." Rei's eyes were dancing between Nagisa and his own shoes – Nagisa was very familiar with that. "_Rei-chan_."

"It's just, well, don't laugh." He pushed his glasses up again, like he wanted to bury them on his nose bridge. "I finished my papers two days ago. But, well, I wanted to come to college today anyway, so maybe I could, we could, um, see each other for a little. But I was also writing additional notes! It's important. You know, just in case. Yeah."

Nagisa's eyes were glistening with the small confession; a short laughter escaped from his lips ("I asked for you not to laugh!"), and he entangled his fingers with Rei's.

"That's so unfair! Stop getting all cute on me! I mean, it's fine to act adorable with me, just don't do it when I can't kiss you." He pouted, nudging his head towards the corridor – through the glass window, they could see a guard walking by.

He wasn't paying any attention to them, but they immediately let go of each other's hand.

"I'm sorry." Rei mumbled.

"It's alright." Nagisa tried his best not to smile; that would probably get the guard's attention. "They've been patrolling inside the buildings more frequently, these days."

"It seems so."

"I'll walk out first. You can come out a few minutes later, so he won't notice a thing."

"…I was hoping we could go together." Rei bit his lower lip, eyeing his shoes. Nagisa wanted to slap himself for not being the one biting that lip.

_Me too_, he thought, but he knew it was better to keep quiet for now. He wanted to hug Rei, to kiss him and walk out of that door holding hands with him; but he knew they couldn't, and he didn't want to make it worse for Rei.

With a hand on the door knob, he turned to Rei one more time, carefully forming words with his lips without emitting a sound.

_I love you_.

The blush on Rei's cheeks was enough to let him know Rei understood his message, and he made sure to exit the room quickly.

On his way out, he bowed to the guard, and the man bowed to him as well.

There was a big secret jumping inside him and inside Rei as well, but the man didn't notice.

* * *

"If you think I'm going to give you free drinks if you stare at me hard enough, you're mistaken."

The declaration made Rin almost jump on his seat.

"What? I wasn't staring."

"You were."

"I was _not._" Not that Rin noticed, at least.

"It's alright." The way Haruka handled the espresso machine made it seem that was the most boring job ever. "I like to look at people too. It's a good reference when you want to draw."

"You really like drawing, huh?"

"Sometimes."

Night was approaching, and, as usual, the café was only dimly lit by paper lanterns. Something about the ambient made Rin comfortable and he didn't know why; most people were sitting alone in their own table, sipping on their espressos quietly. At that time, the shop was almost empty.

"Here you go."

Haruka's voice brought him back from his torpor; a foaming espresso cup was placed in front of him.

"Huh. I thought I wasn't getting any free drinks."

"I'm testing new combinations. That's why it's free."

"You're using _me_ as your test subject?"

Haruka finally looked at him.

"What, are you afraid of mixed coffee beans?"

Rin quickly opened his mouth to answer, but his snort was muffled by the doorbell as Nagisa walked into the shop.

"Haru-chan! Rin-chan!" Ignoring the horrified stares he received from the costumers because of his cheery disposition, he placed himself next to Rin on the counter. "Rei-chan Is coming! He'll probably get here soon." Looking at Rin sipping his espresso, he pouted. "You're giving him free coffee, aren't you?"

Haruka shrugged.

"I don't know where you got this idea."

"It's obvious! Look at Rin-chan!" An accusatory finger was pointing at Rin. "He almost looks _happy_! No one with a missing sister looks this happy, unless they're getting free food!"

"You're scaring away my costumers."

"Serves you right!" Nagisa lifted his chin like a stubborn kid. "You _never_ gave me free coffee!"

Rei arrived shortly after, panting and apologizing for beng late, although Nagisa assured him it was fine. He also made sure to introduce Rin and Rei, grinning all the time while doing so.

"I think you'll get along nicely! You're both a little weird, after all." He winked at Haruka, and Rei desperately whispered about how many years in jail he could get for doing that, only calming down when Nagisa reminded him that the coffee shop was now empty, as well as the front street.

Rin didn't really feel like talking; he still felt like a stranger around Nagisa, and even more around Rei. Strangely enough, the only person in the room that he didn't feel all that unfamiliar with was also the person who talked less. Maybe you just felt closer to a person after sleeping on their couch.

He ignored the giggling and bickering between Nagisa and Rei and tossed the paper on the count. He used his (now empty) espresso cup as a weight and stretched the crumbled piece of paper.

"There it is. Do you think you know this language?"

Both Rin and Haruka watched curiously as Rei got closer to the paper and furrowed his brows, obviously trying to recognize the symbols. Nagisa didn't pay any attention to the group, messing with his cellphone instead.

"It's… weird…"

"What?" The anxiety came rushing inside Rin; all the calm and comfort he'd managed to build up while in Haruka's shop was gone.

"It doesn't look like any kind of alphabet I've ever seen." He cleared his throat. "I'm not- I'm not a linguist or anything of the sort, but I need to use translators and read materials in different languages every once in a while, and these symbols simply don't look like any language I've ever seen."

"No… no." Before he could stop himself, Rin's closed fist collided against the counter; he looked utterly anxious. The sight made Haruka uncomfortable – it was like he was seeing what Rin really looked like for the first time. "But this is the only lead we have!"

"I'm sorry for not being able to help." Rei seemed to shrink into himself. "Maybe- if I copy it and show to someone who study Languages, I-"

"_Waaaaaaaaaait _a sec!" Nagisa spun around in his chair, eyes glued to the paper as if he was seeing it for the first time; he probably was, Rei thinks, giving how he wasn't paying any attention to their conversation. "I _know_ where this is from!"

Rin's eyes went wide.

"You _do_?" The question came from Haruka, Rin and Rei at the same time, making Nagisa pout.

"You guys always looks so surprised when I try to be useful, geez!" He turned his attention back to his cellphone, turning the bright screen to their eyes a few seconds later. "It's from this game!"

Little white dots blinked on the screen against a black background, and it took Rin a while to notice they were actually little floating skulls. There was no title visible on the screen, only a big 'Start' button.

"What the hell is this? Looks damn shady." Rin was still surprised to see the little skulls looking at him.

"Of course it's shady! It's not legal!" Nagisa laughed.

"Oh." That was all Haruka said.

"Oh." Rin agreed. Then blinked. "Wait, why do you have illegal stuff on your cellphone?"

"If I tell you, Rin-chan, you'll get arrested with me." Nagisa answered jokingly.

"Oh. I don't want that."

"Yep, thought so." He touched the screen a few times. "I haven't played this game that much, it's a little too complex for my taste. But there's a mini-game about deciphering runes and all, and it has these characters. Give it to me, I'll translate it in a sec."

No one said a word as Nagisa took the paper from Rin's hands and started to furiously press his fingers against the screen. Anxiety was bubbling inside Rin again, and he felt like exploding until he noticed a pair of eyes watching him from behind the counter; Haruka was looking at him, eyes darting in the opposite direction when Rin looked back. He waited until Haruka's eyes hesitantly returned to him, and he didn't know why it felt so important that Haruka looked at him and seemed genuinely concerned. He opened his mouth, wanting to say anything, anything at all – _Why do you eat fish on breakfast?_ No, that was weird. _Your eyes are really pretty._ That was even worse. And probably slightly illegal. What.

Before he could embarrass himself any further, Nagisa's voice filled the air:

"Done!" He smiled. "I checked twice for errors, but it seems fine. It's just a really weird message." He placed his cellphone in Rin's hands. On the top of screen were the characters they found written on the paper, and, at the bottom, the translation:

_After practice_

_Don't bring anything_

_South gate_

_:D_

"So, is this what they call a haiku?" Nagisa asked playfully, making Rei smile.

"No. There's a rule about the syllables on each verse, they-"

"I was joking, I was joking!" To prevent Rei from talking more, he glued himself to his arm. "Still, the smiley face is a nice touch. I like this person."

"Rin?" Haruka called hesitantly, almost in a whisper. The boy was quiet, squeezing the cellphone lightly in his hand, and Haruka couldn't see his face.

He breathed out heavily, and when he lifted his face, there was shock spreading through his features.

"Did you find out something?" It was Haruka who asked, as if Rin's previous anxiety was now living inside him.

He blinked at Haruka. Once. Twice.

"I'm so stupid. _So stupid_." He said in a small voice. "I know who sent it."

Haruka didn't have to ask again.

"Ooh! You already know who kidnapped her?" Nagisa smiled excitedly.

"No." Rin was still holding the cellphone. "She wasn't kidnapped."

His eyes returned to Haruka's, slowly, as if he was searching for something, some comfort, and Haruka just didn't know how to give it, so he simply returned his gaze.

"She wasn't kidnapped." He repeated slowly. "She ran away with someone I know very well."


End file.
